Dose 006

Metanoia

May 10, 2020

So you think you’re great in bed?

What a title right?

Look, though i’m no expert i’m all about growth so it’s a good thing to see where we guys can improve. Let’s start here.

This article took me way too long to write and its still the tip of the iceberg for this topic.

So if you couldn’t tell by said title, it’s about baby makin. Knocking the boots, the birds and the bees, bump n’ grind, playing doctor, ok i think you get it.

It’s about sex.

The way we approach our relationships and sexuality is an important piece to maintaining our optimal health. Continuous learning and practice of sexual energy cultivation has so far introduced a holistic perspective on creativity, love, and way of living into my life and has brought me in-tune with myself.

I grew up with an unhealthy view of sex. The way it looked back then wasn’t the wholesome, healing practice it is for me today and nevertheless, sex was still present in my life from an early age. My young mind was influenced by pornos and the all-to-familiar playboy mags stashed at my uncles bachelor pad🤯 Full of beautiful naked bodies and pleasure induced moans, was all it took to get me hooked. Watching gave me a sense of feeling grounded and high at the same time, hard to explain. It was basically a damn drug. On the other hand, in the back of my seemingly innocent mind was the fear of getting caught and being dished a mean ass whoopin, so I knew I had to indulge in secret. As a result, I was extremely curious with my own sexuality as a kid; I was riddled with shame but I knew my parts down there had something to do with a great feel.

Eventually as i matured I’d go on to graduate to a more tangible experience. My idea of a great night was getting my partners at the time hot and ready, then show time. Basic af actually. With a very limited 2D view of sex, porn was my educator. Often in need of performance reassurance, i’d ask my partner a quick survey question, “did you come?”. It was embarrassing to think about how completely ego driven I was. I’ve done wrong for so long, I thought it was right. Only after years of unconscious sexing did I start thinking, there had to be more to this.

After one too many bad break ups and 1 [minute] night stands I took a vow of celibacy, involuntarily. During a roughly 2-3 year period of my involuntary & frustrating abstinence (including little to no porn) in my mid twenties, I felt compelled to create and feed my soul. I was unaware at the time but this abstinence also acted as an energy cleansing. I started venturing deeper into the rabbit hole. I learned about semen retention and orgasms without ejaculation. How deep did this rabbit hole go? Feeling like I was on to something, I experimented with all types of disciplines e.g. cold showers, transcendental meditation, breathing techniques, energy movement; all in search of the elusive male ‘O’rgasm.

Don’t sweat the technique

After reading Taoist Secrets of Love. Cultivating Male Sexual Energy by Mantak Chia, my concept of sex completely leveled-the-fuck-up; less like the medley of assume the position acting and forced pleasure it had been before, it now took on a whole new image. One that was centered around energy and being present. It was now a very human and natural practice with deeper stimulation, expansive levels of pleasure, and dare I say Love.

With this new and pure view of sex in development I began valuing my body more. Just as women valued their ‘goods’, so did I. Instead of hooking up with whomever or masturbating whenever, my values would challenge my sexual urges and push me to channel them into productive activities. Being subject to my urges was no longer my biggest hurdle with this sacred knowledge in mind.

In the book by Mantak Chia, our semen is described as chi or qi, energy. I now view my semen as invaluable currency. It’s literally our life force.

If that’s hard to wrap your mind around then let me ask, what do the majority of us men do after bustin’ a nut? If you’re anything like me, all I wanted to do was roll over and play dead🛌 In trade of A brief sensation of pleasure we often receive lethargy, moodiness, mental fog, and feeling as hard as silly putty. Sounds a little depressive if you ask me. So is our brief ejaculatory orgasm worth it?🤷🏽‍♂️

What is sexual kung fu?

One huge fact that all men should know is, we are able to orgasm without ejaculating. It takes consistent practice and most likely trial & error, as the majority of us weren’t taught this (in the west at least).

When you learn it, your partner will thank you and you’ll thank yourself.

It’s a practice. An art. A kung-fu.

Focused less on sex as an act and more about harnessing your own sexual energy, then learning what to do with it.

How do I practice?🍆🍑

As with a martial art(or any art really) there is an effective way and a not-so-effective way, to practice. In the book by Mantak Chia mentioned earlier, you’ll find a plethora of techniques and practices.

In addition to learning how, this journey also taught me that creativity is directly linked to our sexual energy. If my [sexual] energy is blocked, then concentration is a near impossible feat. The primary thing on my mind is release. My body literally craves a sexual escape; this is where the practice comes into play. Cultivating this energy and directing it into an activity or even re-investing it into myself leaves me feeling vibrant, almost lightweight and untouchable. Versus, squandering the energy through a quick nut, *ahem* brief ejaculation.

So what about those of us who practice and end up slippin or to put it more accurately, spilling our seed?

Well, from what experience has taught me, you can bet you’ll slip like a noodle-legged toddler on an ice rink👶 and that’s ok.

To keep it all the way 💯 with y’all, when first starting out I found it much easier to practice exclusively with my👉🏽🖐🏽(plus I was ‘abstaining’ remember?). Ain’t no shame in my game. Besides, benefits of intentional solo practice were more self control, self paced, and I wasn’t distracted with performance pressure.

Eventually I’d start sexploring with a partner. Thats when I found it harder than hell to keep up my practice while in act. I had ‘slipped’ one too many times, and as we continued to sexplore, my self control wained as I didn’t give myself enough time between my refractory period and our next sesh. So I did what i’ve never successfuly done before with a partner: I communicated my needs and why they were important to me😱 And she listened😱😱 we had consent and put that shit into practice. What (non)hetero dude wants to admit that they can’t keep up with their partner in bed because their magic wand lost its spark? Not me, yet in being open with myself and knowing the necessity of keeping up a healthy sexual practice, I was able to let my partner know what was going on with me. This is called being in tune with your sexuality.

To me, maintaining a healthy sexual practice provides the basis for knowing our bodies on an intimate level, results in an optimal sex life and spills vigorous energy into every other aspect of our lives.

Sex is an integral part of the human experience, so why not learn and become well versed in the language?

Till next time y’all. With love✌🏽
Gaelan